Why Making Friends is the Best Way to Network and Grow
I've been noticing something with my friends lately. Everyone says making new friends as an adult is hard AF. Especially outside of work.
You finish school, maybe move to a new city, and suddenly you're like: " Wait, how do I actually meet new people when I'm not forced to sit next to them in class every day ?"
The standard advice? "Join a running club!" (because apparently everyone's training for a marathon these days ), " Join a Hyrox group workout !" (because apparently everyone's training for a Hyrox these days - lol), or my personal favorite, "Just put yourself out there!" Whatever the hell that means.
But there's an option most people completely overlook, even though it's literally in their hands every day.
It's the internet, folks. Social media.
That thing you're probably scrolling through right now.
Here's the plot twist: While everyone's complaining about how Instagram and TikTok are destroying human connection, I've discovered these platforms can be incredible tools for making genuine friends AND building a future-proof network at the same time.
No forced introductions. No memorized elevator pitches. Just authentic connections that start digital and often become very real.
The Digital World Has No Barriers
In the past, your network was basically limited to:
People you physically met
School and college classmates
People in your profession
People with similar social status
You couldn't just reach out to someone you admired, write to your hero, or connect with that person doing exactly the kind of work you dream about. You had to know someone who knew someone who maybe could introduce you if the stars aligned.
Now? Those barriers are gone.
Over the last 2 years, I've realized something mind-blowing. I can connect with pretty much anyone I want if I approach it the right way. People I deeply admire, creators whose work changed my thinking, experts in fields I'm fascinated by, all by just a thoughtful message away.
I've connected with people who live on different continents, work in different industries, and would never cross my path in real life. Some of them have become actual friends. Not just digital personas I follow to be entertained or educated in my timeline, but people I genuinely care about and who care about me.
The key difference between this approach and traditional "networking"? I stopped approaching these relationships, thinking about what I could get. I approached them, genuinely interested in the person and their work.
The Power of DMs (And Real Life Conversation)
Direct messages are the modern equivalent of walking up to someone and starting a conversation. They can be incredibly powerful or mind-numbingly boring. The difference? Curiosity and Authenticity
Let's be honest here. Most people are terrible at reaching out. Check your own DM requests and you'll see exactly what I mean.
Here's what usually gets ignored:
"Hey, let 's connect!"
" Love your content!"
"Can I pick your brain sometime?"
"Just wanted to reach out and introduce myself."
"We should collaborate sometime."
These messages could be sent to literally anyone. They show zero effort and zero genuine interest.
Here's what actually works:
Messages that respond to something specific they've shared
Genuine appreciation for their work, with details about why it resonated
Questions that show you've actually thought about what they're doing
Sharing how something they created impacted you personally
The wild thing is, these principles work exactly the same way in real life. Whether you're messaging someone on Instagram or chatting at an event, the people who stand out are the ones who show genuine interest and bring something to the conversation.
I remember reaching out to a creator with 500k+ followers who was basically living everything I was striving for: crushing it in fitness, building his business, and creating the lifestyle I wanted. Instead of asking for advice, I just shared how his approach to balancing training with entrepreneurship changed my perspective.
That simple message evolved into regular conversations where we discovered shared passions beyond fitness. Turns out, he was struggling with video editing for his content, an area where I could actually help him. Soon, we were trading workout tips for editing tricks. Not because I was trying to "network," but because we genuinely connected as people with overlapping interests.
The key? Patience and consistency. Real relationships don't happen overnight. They build gradually through repeated positive interactions.
The 6-Step Process for Making Friends While Building Your Network
Want to try this approach yourself? Here's my process for turning complete strangers into friends on social media. This works for connecting with anyone you find interesting, but it's especially powerful for approaching people with higher social leverage than you (more followers, more impact, more influence).
People you might think are "out of your league" to connect with:
1. Find Someone You WANT to Connect With
This sounds obvious, but it's crucial. Don't reach out to people just because they're "important" or have large follower counts.
Connect with people because:
You share genuine interests
Their work inspires you
You could imagine collaborating with them someday
You simply find them interesting as humans
If you're connecting with someone solely for what they can do for you, you're already screwing up.
2. Send an Inspired Compliment
If you completed step 1 correctly, you'll have plenty of genuine things to appreciate about this person.
Find a specific piece of their content that truly resonated with you and tell them exactly why. Not just "great post!" but something like:
"Your perspective on X completely changed how I think about Y. I especially appreciated the point about Z because it made me realize [specific insight]."
This isn't manipulation or faking admiration, it's genuine appreciation. And it's a lot more interesting to receive than generic praise.
3. Lead with Value
Before asking for anything, look for ways to provide value.
This could be:
Sharing a resource related to something they're working on (this newsletter, for example - thanks ;) )
Offering insight from your unique perspective
Connecting them with someone who might help with a challenge they've mentioned
The point is to establish yourself as someone who gives rather than just takes.
4. Make a Deeper Connection
Once you've established some common ground through messages, look for opportunities to deepen the connection:
Suggest a video call
Invite them to a workshop or event (virtual or in person)
Add them to a WhatsApp group with like-minded people
I'm going to be super honest here. I'm at this exact stage right now. I have a call scheduled with someone I've been messaging with for weeks, and I'm low-key nervous about it even though I know I don't need to be. But I think that's necessary. Those butterfly feelings mean you're expanding your comfort zone and building something real.
Moving from text-based communication to voice or video changes the relationship dynamic completely. You become a real person in their mind, not just another username.
5. Follow Up with Value
Remember what they're working on and what matters to them. When you come across content, resources, or people that might help, share them.
This shows you're actually listening and that you care enough to keep them in mind even when you're not directly interacting.
6. Follow Up with an Ask
By this point, you've built a genuine connection and provided value multiple times. Now, if there's something specific you'd like help with, you can ask without feeling awkward or transactional.
Because you've been giving without expectation, most people will be happy to return the favor when you do need something.
Why This Approach Works Better
The "make friends first" approach succeeds where traditional networking fails for one simple reason:
It's authentic.
When you approach relationships as potentially valuable connections between humans, rather than transactions between career assets, everything changes.
People respond differently. Opportunities flow naturally. And most importantly, you build a network of people you actually enjoy spending time with.
This works online and offline, with peers and with people you admire from afar. The principles stay the same: genuine interest, generosity without expectation, and patience.
That’s it for today!
I'd love to hear your experiences with this approach. What's worked for you? What hasn't? Any particularly meaningful connections you've made that started in unexpected ways?
See ya in the next one - WeWill connect!
